I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
