party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
