They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
