If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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