Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it glows. i had to have it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
