to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
