i think my mom watched the whole time
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
