I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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