I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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