My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
