tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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