She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I currently don't understand fingers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
