I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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