well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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