So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
