I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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