We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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