I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
