I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drake has all the answers
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
