My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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