Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
