First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
