Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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