so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
