I am puke
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
