u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
