i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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