Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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