Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
