I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
