you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
