I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
