So drunk its hurt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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