Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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