Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
