I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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