my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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