why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
