i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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