Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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