Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
