A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
