i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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