Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
