after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
