I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
