I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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