you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
