What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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