Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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