Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
