this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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