Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
