Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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